Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize