so explain again why im purple
no
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
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Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
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With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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