I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize