i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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