I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
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Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
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Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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