I could make wine with my vomit
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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