Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
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Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
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You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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