How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
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i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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