You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
well you can't waste a boner
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
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