would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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