I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize