This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize