Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
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Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
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I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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