Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize