U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
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you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
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sex in a hospital.. check
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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