Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize