she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
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At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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