i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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