Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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