You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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