Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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