i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
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We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
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You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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