im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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