oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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