You're a womanizer and a bitch.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
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It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
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The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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