the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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