when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
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I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
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He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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