My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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