Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
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Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
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I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize