Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
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My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
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you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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