So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
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You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
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Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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