you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
smell my finger.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
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The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
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the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I wear drunk well.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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