did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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