I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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