What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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