I am puke
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
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Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
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He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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