My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
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He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
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Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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