I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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