You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
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You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
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If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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