A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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