Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize