I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize