At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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