I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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