I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize