If i could tip my vagina, i would.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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