my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
that's an acceptable place to lick
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
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i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
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