I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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