it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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