is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
