just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
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Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
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Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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