Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize